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Friday, July 18th, 2008
hotcoal
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9:38p
I just wrote this really long post... about Phil as a father and I can't find it in myself to make it public because I know what it reads like. like he's a bad father when he isn't. But I'm in a shitty mood and I'm tired and he pissed me off...so you know. He gets yelled at. or about.
I need to go talk to him.
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(comment on this)
hotcoal
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7:27a
I'm so tired.
ugh.
It's one of those mornings when my eyes keep closing on their own accord. Elian was up a 5:30am (after feeding at 3am) and he was just like really...wide awake. in his crib talking and squealing and kicking and rolling over and I probably could have left him to play for a bit and gotten some sleep but it sounded so cute I had to get up and watch him. And now I'm knackered.
I am so having a nap when he goes down for his at 12.
The weather sucks here. like loooooaaads. next week it should be nicer. fingers crossed.
Phil is applying for a job today in San Fransisco. Ooooh fingers crossed. please get me out of this country.
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(comment on this) Thursday, July 17th, 2008
(2 comments | comment on this)
smellslikecher
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8:08p
I've been very busy. I've been very busty.
First thing's first because it has to be, or else it's not the first thing anymore--I'm now a drug lord. It may be more accurate, Aunt, to say that I'm a drug hoard. It may be even more accurate, Achtung, to say that I'm a drug whore.
I'll elaborate.
Several ersatzgentleman approached me six months ago and inquired after the wide, open fields in my cunt. The wide, open fields in my cunt have been used for: flying kites, finding lights, guiding flights, building snowmen, acting Roman, burying Paul Loehman[1], ant farming, corn farming, soybean farming, rose farming, petunia farming, man farming[2], mice farming, muscle farming[3], marriage farming, sunbathing, ankle-wading, Christ-craving, rock festivals, roll festivals, and pig roasts. I explained this, very patiently, and the gentlemen nodded and conferred amongst themselves. I was annoyed by this, because it was rude and because I was late for parent-teacher night at NYU, where Millicent has matriculated to double-major in Organizational Behavior and Film. (Before you think that she must be very smart to go to college at such a young age, I'll let you know that her GPA is 0.0002. Urban is up at Columbia, majoring in Women's Studies, and his GPA is pi).
"What is it that you want, wiseacres?" I asked.
"We were wondering if you would be interested in a small but lucrative farming project."
"I'm all ears," I said. Then I laughed. "We both know that's a lie. Heck, I'm all cunt!"
"Fortunate for us, yes, Ma'am, you are."
I was insulted that they agreed about the size of my cunt. A gentleman is always supposed to insist to his very death that a lady's netherregions are tiny, delicate, pink, petite, pretty, and punctual. These were not gentleman at all, I realized! I'd been fooled by the fedoras and ascots.
"You're not gentleman after all, are you?" I said, warily. "Ersatzgentlemen? Am I right?"
"Aye, you are, shithead," they said in unison. They ripped off their ascots and tossed aside their fedoras. "Bitch sees right through us. Smart birdie."
"Flattery only gets you fucked," I flirted dangerously. "Remember 9-11?"
They looked uncomfortable. "Listen, we'll just give it to you straight, feathers. We're ersatzgentleman, all right, and you know what that means. We're up to no good. We're--I hate to say it, but here it is--drug lords. And we're looking for a nice, clean, open field to plant some coca. Get our drift? Smell our pits? Eh?"
I got it. "Interesting," I said. "What's in it for me?"
They beamed. "Glad that you asked. Lots. You're putting two birdies through college right now, right?"
I nodded.
"And you've got an uncle who is seven dollars in debt and who is on the lam from nine nations?"
I nodded, more ruefully this time. "It's not that I can't help him pay off that seven dollars. It's the principle."
"We get it. A lady of principle. So okay, here's our offer. Ready?"
"YES," I emphasized.
"One trillion dollars. A summer home in Alabama. A spring home in Utah. A fall home in Montana. A winter home in Nunavut. A mansion in Bucharest. A mansion in Budapest. A manson in Paris. A mansion on Mars. A hovel in Singapore. A shack in Shanghai. An apartment in Ethiopia. An arrangement with Eritrea--for your uncle, as we understand he raped the entire population. A Rolls Royce. Ownership of the person: Carol Oates, Joyce. A class to better your voice. A Mercedes Benz. A truck full of hens. A desk full of pens. A camera with a diamond-encrusted lens. A tree rife with wrens. A Barbie and six Kens. A shirt. An unlimited Metrocard. The Vice-Presidency of the United States of America. The Vice-Presidency of Bolivia. The bones of Simon Bolivar. A den of hookers. A sandwich."
"Hmmm..." I said. "All of that is very enticing. What is on the sandwich?"
They rolled their eyes as though to say "unbelievable, this bird." It's true, I am. I didn't care what was on the sandwich. I just like to yank chains when they dangle. "Swiss cheese and celery, with tuna," one of them said.
"And a tomato and mustard," added the other. "On foccacia."
"That sounds delicious," I mused. "Offer accepted."
We shook hands. Well, I shook hands. They shook wings.
So that is how I got a field full of coca planted in my cunt. Now, every morning I wake up and sing this song:
I HAVE CO-CA-YEEEEEENA
IN MY VAGE-A-HEEEENA
CO-CA-YEEEEENA! IN MY VAGE-A-HEEEENA!
COKE IN THE VADGE AND A COKE IN THE VADGE
MADONNA IS MADGE, MADONNA IS MADGE
I sing it about four times, very loudly. I think this is why both Millicent and Urban have moved into dorms. I'm very lonely, but very wealthy, and also, I've been playing lots of Wii. I grew ten thousand more netherboobs and I'm slowly upgrading them to netherteats. It's a process, as you all know by now. Otherwise, I'm doing pretty well.
How are you?
____________________
[1]Paul Loehman, 1634-1690 was a founding father and village elder of the first settlement in my cunt
[2] That's a nice way to say "raising boys for careers in prostitution."
[3] Same as footnote 2, but beefier.
current mood:  angry
current music: Time, Love, and Netherness--Michael Moltin'
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(1 comment | comment on this) Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
vera_sales
[ hppydazi ]
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5:54a
For Sale!
I have the following items for sale or trade. All prices include shipping. Feel free to make offers! I have 100% positive feedback on ebay as hppydazi8. You can email me at amandasell@insightbb.com
I will trade for coin purses, wristlets, large cosmetic bags, beach towels, Caffe Latte, Small Tic Tac Totes, a Hannah in the right pattern, Kensington Bowler, new clutch wallet
cross posted on facebook
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(comment on this) Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
royaboya
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4:28p
My dad invited me to a picnic and concert at the Hollywood Bowl in two weeks! I am so excited! Tchaikovsky's Fourth and catching up with Tery and Akbar, two of Baba's oldest friends from grad school.
Frank's roommate, and one of our clients is in the hospital in critical condition. Frank calls us with updates, and yesterday I went to visit Robert in the hospital, but if you do that whole praying thing, please do so. Robert is adored beyond belief.
Tonight Emily is coming with me to karate, and I am going to make tofu shirataki noodles for my dinner (yay meals that are less than 3 points) because I am, yet again, going to work on this tracking my points weight watchers style. I need to do 150 more crunches and 40 more pushups today to stay on track with my challenge, and I need to make tuna sandwhiches for Adam and I for tomorrow's lunch.
Some day I will go grocery shopping, and that will be a marvelous, cornacopia-esque day.
I did not drink enough water, but I can still do it! Yeehaw.
Poor Robert. Poor Frank.
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(comment on this) Monday, July 14th, 2008
hotcoal
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7:42a
evicted
I've kicked Phil out of our bed today. He's been evicted to the couch.
Friday and Saturday Phil had to stay in the hotel so it was just Elian and I sleeping in our bedroom. Both nights Elian slept from 8pm until 6:30am. And he slept really well. not stirring or anything.
Last night, Phil was back and Elian and I BOTH woke up twice. because I was so use to it I didn't realize JUST how loud Phil is when he sleeps. he snores, tosses around all the time, and our bed is so creaky it just kept waking us up. I sleep like the dead, I always wake up in the same position i fell asleep in.
So Phil is on the couch until my brother goes home on the 30th and we can move Elian's crib into the nursery (where my brother is sleeping at the moment).
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(comment on this) Friday, July 11th, 2008
royaboya
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11:00p
I keep having these funny little moments of realization about how happy I am.
I have a sore throat, ate more than I wanted, didn't do dishes, and my best friend is out of cell phone range in Romania.
However, I have a home by the beach, good music, a loyal dog, loving boyfriend, family, friends, garden, and a job with a 401k. I feel so cheesy. I think about the picture of my future - those images I always used to hold closer to me than reality, and how I just don't have them anymore. Thinking about where I want to live when I get married or have kids, they are fuzzy with potential. If Adam gets this job, he'd be going to the police academy in Monterey for six months. Okay, Monterey is as good a place as any! If he gets that other job, Alaska it is. If not, I love it here, with Chris and David in the front house and a lawn for Rommel to roll around in. It only matters where Adam is, cheese, cheese, cheese, and oh so lovely and true.
I like how hard we work to make each other happy. It feels like the best work I could have.
Tomorrow I am going to the OC County Fair with my mom and sister. Adam will join us there after his test and Emily might go too. We did our first yoga class tonight. I felt all worn out and wobbly. I hope I get better. I'd like to like yoga.
I was writing a note to Adam when I Believe in Love came on by the Indigo Girls. First - when they sing they make me want to sing. I love to hear how much they seem to enjoy the physical act of making song come from their throats. Second - the lyrics are very apt for how I am feeling at the moment.
I want Zen Zenith to visit because I think we could be better friends as adults than we ever were as teenagers, and I want to make sure I keep ahold of him forever! I don't see what is wrong with Obama saying he wants to teach the sacrament of sex, and tomorrow...tomorrow I will do dishes.
now ends this disjointed and sappy post.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
hotcoal
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9:53p
I am so in love
My boys.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
royaboya
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10:41a
Today is National Cheer Up the Lonely Day.
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(comment on this)
royaboya
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10:39a
Recipe I want to try
Guacamole - Hungry Girl style
15 oz. can of early/young peans, drained
1/2 cup mashed avacado
1/3 cup chopped cherry tomatoes
1/4 cup fat free greek yogurt
4 tsp lime juice
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp chopped garlic
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1/8 tsp cumin
1/8 tsp chili powder
optional - jalapenos, cilantro
mash peas and avacados till totally blended, then add the other stuff. 1/3 cup is 1 weight watchers point. 2 tbs are 0 points.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
vera_sales
[ hppydazi ]
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6:12a
For Sale or Trade!
I have the following items for sale or trade. All prices include shipping and I have 100% positive feedback on ebay under hppydazi8.
I will trade for coin purse, wristlets, large cosmetic bags, beach towels, caffe latte, small tic tac totes, a hannah in the right pattern.
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(7 comments | comment on this) Thursday, July 10th, 2008
royaboya
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11:44a
Since Maya didn't "tag" anyone, I thought I'd take the initiative and do it myself.
1. what were you doing 5 years ago?
Working at Laguna Clay Company, posting on livejournal too much, hanging out with Tiffani, going to Cypress College - almost 5 years to the day was Angie's wedding, and 5 years ago summer was a greyhound ride in Sacramento with Marina where we read beat poets and felt like we were doing drugs. Ah those days...
2.what are 5 things on your to do list today?
1. Do fitness orientation at 24 hour fitness
2. Clean up living room
3. Scrub shower and sink
4. Write email to Marina
5. Make lunch for Adam for tomorrow
3. what are five snacks you enjoy?
chocolate pudding
frenchbread and olive oil
nectarines
weight watchers dark raspberry chocolate bars
laughing cow cheese wedges
4. what are 5 things you'd do if you were a billionaire.
buy land, have camp, gather friends, make art, invest.
5. what are five jobs you've had?
-Lab technician at ceramic studio
-Teacher's Aide at cypress college's SCE DSPS
-Field Naturalist for Inside the Outdoors
-Daycare teacher at Young Adventurers
-Access to Adventure Coordinator at Project Independence
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(1 comment | comment on this) Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
vera_sales
[ heatherbell ]
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7:31p
For Sale!
The following are for sale. Please feel free to make offers! I just need to unload these things so no reasonable offer will be refused. My home is smoke-free and dog-friendly.
Piccadilly Plum Travel Organizer in GUC $15ppd
Bermuda Blue Travel Organizer in NWT $20ppd
Pink Elephants Travel Organizer in NWT $20ppd
Piccadilly Plum Mini Wallet in GUC $15ppd
Kensington Card Fan in NWOT $8ppd
Tropical Silk Kelly in GUC $30ppd
Green Apple Toggle Tote in GUC $25ppd PENDING
Accessories, Apple Green Toggle Tote, and Tropical Silk Kelly
I have feedback on eBay under "mattnheathernbaby."
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